I could not resist capturing the beautiful flowers.
It’s been a while I have written about myself, life or a short story. Of course, I’ve been writing; but about things, not feelings because life got in the way. I started the year on a high note. I was happy, some weeks into my final year, my family was healthy, work was fine, I had plans and the world was beautiful.
February came with steady descent of the opposite of what I felt the beginning of the year. I wasn’t as happy as before. I was working myself hard. Deadlines, life after school worry and a lot of unnecessary stress. I knew I was pushing myself to the limit but somehow I could not stop. As a way to feel better, I turned to food, bad food. I gained little weight and I got depressed.
It became a constant battle for me, to wake up, smile and have a conversation with other people. I just wanted to be felt alone. I just didn’t feel enough. Insert health issues, body image, money problems, the struggle to get straight As. I was struggling to exist instead of enjoying every moment, especially as a new minimalist.
I woke up one day, sat on my bed and cried. I allowed myself to feel every negative emotion, and I let it go. I made plans, ate efo riro and amala, called my best friend and she allowed me to rant. While I didn’t immediately feel happy, I felt relieved and I realised it was okay to be sad, vulnerable and receive help.
I’ve always been strong but I had become too strong that is why I didn’t know when to ask for help when to cry when to talk about my pains. While being independent is a beautiful thing, it can be dangerous. There should be a balance. We need friends, family or whoever is our network of support.
I feel better, happier, went back to my healthy eating and lost the weight I added (still working on those abs though 😂). I’m learning a new language, I’m rediscovering myself, creating new food recipes, reading good books, finding joy and happiness in the simple things and people that make up my life, publishing an e-book, planning an event. While inserting lazy days from time to time.
I think it’s important to have those moments that take us to our lowest and darkest, so we can truly appreciate being in the light. We need to feel bad to appreciate the good, weak to appreciate our strong moments. For more than two months, I was there and it was truly scary but I’m glad I was able to pull through. While life isn’t exactly ‘happy go lucky’ for me now, I’m thankful for inner peace, happiness, love and light that is a part of me now.
Oka, Ube na Ube Oyibo (Corn, Nigerian pear and avocado)